ENG
Black Anvil - "Hail Death"
2014 / 3cd
Relapse Records
USA
Seriously, this is released on Relapse Records? For fucken reals, this is the kind of stuff you'd expect on Century Media or on the late Regain Records - and yes, you know exactly what I mean with that. Holy fucken crap, dudes. So a bunch of hardcore dudes in New York apparently got the bright idea to form a black/thrash metal band, and called it Black Anvil. Like we needed any more of those. I'm not even a Goatwhore fan (haha), but we certainly don't need more of them. Just fucken saying. Not that any of it is bad, or anything - just very unnecessary and pointless. Goatwhore, Necrophobic, Watain - it's hard to tell them apart these days, and Odin fucken knows that the average retarded metalhead can't get enough of any of those three. I know not what the fuck is more offensive: that Relapse decided to contract these guys, or that there's an apparent demand for this kind of meaningless drivel. Holy fucken shit, dudes. Have we grown this desperate for Scandinavian melodic black metal that we now let a bunch of Americans do it for us? The fuck happened to having standards, or good taste? If this is black metal, than I'm pretty damn fucken sure that Stacey Massey, Jess Kingham or Natasha Anastasia will be knocking on my door any day now to declare their everlasting lust and love for me. Geez. 'Eventide' sounds like a long lost Dissection, or Sacramentum song - and it sounds exactly like you think it does. As competent, toothless and horribly inoffensive as this shit is, I can't for one support it, nor what it represents. I mean, can you count the clichés on display here? Monochrome artwork, the album title in Bathory font, spooky band name, moody midtempo songs that don't really go anywhere and the completely fucken generic evil album title. "Hail Death"? The fuck is that even supposed to mean?! I know Relapse Records did those Death re-issues a while ago, but for fuck's sake, at least try to show some semblance of creativity here. Oh yeah, and it's totally produced like a fucken hardcore record, which makes me happy cos I can hear every instrument, but will have the lot of you forest-dwelling virgins crying that it isn't "necro", "grim", or "trve" enough. Not that I generally pay attention to you fucken retards anyway. Just fucken saying. I'm not drunk enough to find any of this record funny, and neither should you. If this is in any fucken way representative for the state of black metal in the US or the old country, I'm glad I don't wanna fuck associate with it. FUCK OFF!!
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