ENG
Cyhyraeth - "Servant To the Fire"
2014 / 1cd
Self-financed
USA
It ain’t over until the fat lady sings! Oh, wait. She’s actually fucken singing here, and for once I don’t fucken mind. You know, like, until she starts doing this fucken terrible emo clean singing. I, like, get it, and shit. You like Pantera. You probably fucken worship the very ground Phil ‘walk on, homeboy’ Anselmo fucken walks on. Just keep yer trap shut, lady. For fuck’s sake. That fucken caterwauling is terrible. By Odin, just stick to that growl/yell thing, that fucken works. Not that I fucken mind Jessica McCain otherwise. She has that whole fucken Hannah Sharp thing going, which is always a fucken plus in my book. Oh, sure - she’s, like, tattooed and all that shit. You gotta fucken take what you can get. Just saying. I will never fucken understand why this band is described as “unrelenting aggression” with “guitars that slash and stab at several directions at once”. Whatever drugs you’re on, I want some of what you’re fucken smoking. At some fucken point something is even described as “thick ‘n rubbery” which either could fucken refer to the bass guitar, or the singer. I’m not, like, sure, or anything. Who the flying fuck cares, really?! It’s not like I actually fucken read these promo sheets sober, or anything. Or at all. By Ruby Jones’ tits, so Cyhyraeth is described as, like, a fucken death metal band – but actually plays bro/groove metal with Jess McCain’s (I still prefer Jess Kingham. Sorry) admittedly fucken ace growls over it. This still is fucken Pantera metal at heart, that almost makes Machine Head sound like a valid fucken option. Seriously. I’m not drunk enough to find any of this shit funny. I would like to fucken hear McCain in an actual death metal band, you know. Preferably some sort of fucken traditional one. None of that shitty slam, or, like, retro stuff. That shit is fucken terrible enough on its own. Not that, like, “Servant to the Fire” is fucken terrible, or anything. No. It is terrible. Just terribly uninteresting, and flat out underachieving for its majority. Try fucken harder already, you illiterate dipshits. You have a good fucken singer. Do something with it!
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